Things are starting to look clearer...

For any mother out there you can probably understand where I am coming from when I say "becoming a mother changes EVERYTHING!" It is the most wonderful thing on earth by far. The love you have for something so small and so instantly can't be anything more than a miracle from God. This last year my view on "life" has changed drastically. This last few months my view has changed even more. I have always been that type of person who goes, goes, goes and have managed to keep that up until lately. I seriously thought that our "crazy" life was normal but I think I was living in denial. I can't explain what hit me upside the head but I am ready for a change. I don't feel like I have missed out on things but I have definitely not felt them and really took them in like I should. My little boy is already 15 months old! He is growing up so super fast and if I don't slow down and simplify my life I am going to end up missing or forgetting. We are blessed that I get to stay at home and be a full-time mother and a wife and that is now my goal. I have to learn that I can't say "yes" all the time, I can't be at all events and I can't do everything alone. I am obsessed with making people happy but really the only people I need to worry about making happy is myself and my family. In the last few months I have been questioning my "country life" and thought that it was making my life more complicated. I thought that if we moved back to the city that everything would be perfect. I would have everything at my fingers tip and it would just be easier. In the last few days after a lot of crying, talking and evaluating our life things are starting to look clearer. It doesn't matter where I live if I continue to live this 90 mile an hour lifestyle. It isn't healthy for me physically, emotionally and definitely isn't healthy in my relationships. I am tired of doing things half-ass around the house just to get by, I'm tired of scrambling around like a chicken with my head cut-off to get household chores done and most importantly I'm tired of always feeling tired and unfinished. I want to start and end every day knowing that I worked hard, played harder and loved unconditionally the two most important men in my life. I know God has a plan for us and we will follow him where ever he takes us but right now, today, it is here in Holliday, Tx.